Shell Shocked
by The British Whovian
Summary: Clara struggles to overcome her memories of the abusive 12th Doctor, as the 14th/10th Doctor tries to comfort her. Allonswin AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who.

**A/N. This is AU Series 8 and I'm introducing a 13th Doctor. 13th proper Doctor, but 15th regeneration, because I may have put in a Doctor that lasted 2 lines. Back to the 15th, he's not new. He's a familiar face. I can't label him as the 15th Doctor, but you'll recognise him. Rated M for sexual themes. Still planning. Also, a little bit of German. Just use Google Translate if you need to know. It's pretty self-explanatory. Also, small first chapter. They work better for me.  
><strong>

Clara hated this new Doctor. She hated him. He was rough and abusive. He had a impossibly cold heart, killing anyone who tried to cross him. She'd tried to run away but The Doctor would always find her. Twelve faces and he hadn't learned to let people go. She just wanted him to go away. She sat there in her bedroom crying and inspecting her bruises that she had gotten from The Doctor. That_ monster_. He'd been out somewhere today, supposedly fighting in some war. She wanted _her_ Doctor back. Chin boy.

Clara kept playing a recording of her Doctor's voice back over and over again, wishing that he'd come back somehow. Her spirit had been crushed from The Doctor. Her brain was going crazy with thoughts. _Should I run away? Should I kill myself? Should I try to kill him?_ She thought that suicide was the only option to get away from his iron grasp.

"Clara."

She froze in fear.

She turned around to see The Doctor standing there. "Would you like me to change?

Clara was silent. She felt a sense of relief, as she would be released from his grasp, even if it was just for a few minutes. "Yes."

He walked into the TARDIS and Clara followed.

"Five, four." The Doctor was counting down the seconds until his regeneration. "Three, two, one." The golden light emitted from his head and arms. Clara shielded her eyes. It felt like a lifetime for The Doctor. Suddenly, the light disappeared. "Wow, ich bin Deutsch.", he said. "Ich weiß nicht, wie diese eine." The regeneration light started flowing out from him again. It was quick this time, only taking a few seconds.

"Hello Clara."

Clara recognised the voice. "Oh my God. How is that possible?" she asked.

"I use-. New teeth. That's weird. I used the regeneration energy from the German me, and used it to change my face again. You have to do it quick though." he said. "Can I have a hug?" he asked, putting his arms out.

Clara backed away hastily, not wanted to be hurt anymore.

"Clara, it's OK. Please. I'm not the monster I was before."

Clara approached him nervously. She really wanted this to be true, and that he had actually changed. She still couldn't trust him.

The Doctor put his arms round Clara, inspecting her body. He saw all of the bruises, cuts and broken bones. He ran his hands down her body gently, but she flinched. "It's OK Clara. I'm not going to hurt you." He looked into her eyes and saw all of the pain and torment. He put his index fingers up to her head, and looked inside her brain, looking at her memories of the previous regeneration. He saw the brutality, the torture, the whippings. "I'm so, so sorry Clara. What have I done to you?" he said, as a tear fell from his face onto her shoulder. He grabbed her head and gave her a long kiss. He exhaled, with a streak of regeneration energy going down her throat and into her body. Within seconds, her bruises and cuts were gone. Her bones had healed as well. "I will never do anything like that to you again." He took her legs and wrapped them around his body and he carried her to his bedroom. "I want you, Clara. I want you so much. You are a beautiful woman, and don't ever let anyone say otherwise. Not even me."

"I want you too." she said. _You idiot Clara._ _Had he really changed? Will he hurt me? _she asked herself.

"Allons-y!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Doctor Who.**

**A/N: Writing this right after publishing the first chapter. Got some ideas, hopefully this doesn't go downhill. (Although it really could.)**

"Run!"

They kept running. Even with the pain in their legs, they forced themselves to run.

The Doctor knew that even if he got back to the TARDIS, the Daleks that they were running from wouldn't stop chasing him. It was a worthless game. He slowly slowed down, and as he watched Clara run even faster. _No, I must not desert her now. She needs me. And I need her._

"Exterminate!"

The Doctor felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, shouting in pain. He saw the regeneration energy rising from his arms onto his hands.

Clara looked round to see The Doctor lying on the floor, grabbing his side. "Doctor!" she shouted as she started running towards him.

"Clara! Just go. Please, I'll be fine!"

"I can't leave you!"

"Don't argue with me! Just go and have a good life!"

Clara looked back at him one last time before flying the TARDIS home.

"ALERT! ALERT! The Doctor is regenerating!" screeched The Daleks.

"Oh, fuck it." I give up! Finish me! Come on!" said The Doctor, taunting The Daleks.

The Daleks laughed at him. "Ha ha ha! We have mortally wounded our greatest enemy! How does it feel Doctor? Feel the pain as we leave you here to die!"

"Bad idea!." The Doctor suddenly sprouted up and started regenerating, destroying all but one Dalek. Just before he finished regenerating, the last Dalek fired at him. "Exterminate!"

"No..."

He felt nothing, he just saw a bright flash of white. He woke up just around the spot where the Daleks had appeared. He looked around and saw a body wearing the same suit as him. He ran over to it to see who it was. It was him. It was his dead body. He checked his pockets. No sonic, no phone and no picture of Clara.

"I'm.. I'm dead." He closed his eyes. _I just want to be with Clara._ The Doctor opened his eyes to find himself in her bedroom next to Clara. She was crying but she didn't notice him. That's what broke his hearts the most. The fact that she was in pain and he couldn't comfort her. He just had to watch. He tried to touch her but his hand went straight through her. She did, however, flinch when he pulled his hand out. She just shook it off. The Doctor slowly felt a tear rolling down his cheek. _Why? Why this? This is Hell!_ There was no way out either. Killing yourself was impossible, because you were already dead. He noticed the half-empty bottle of vodka on her desk. He put his head in his hands. _Why Clara? Why did you do this?_ Then he remembered that he had pre-recorded a message for if he ever perished. He didn't know what death was like so he kept it in his room in the TARDIS. He figured that he might as well try it, since he could touch solid objects. He walked into the TARDIS and walked towards his bedroom. He picked up the DVD from his drawer and ran into Clara's bedroom before grinding to a halt. She was sitting on her bed with a razor blade. He saw marks from it on her arms and wrists.

"JUST STOP IT CLARA!" he screamed, but it was to no avail as she continued cutting herself. It really pissed him off, because she was doing this over one man. _One man! _Once again, he felt the regeneration energy rising. "How is this possible? I'm dead! Wait. Am I in Limbo? Half-dead? Because I really can't explain this any other way." he said aloud. Her room disappeared. Everything went black.

Clara was extremely depressed. She couldn't get rid of the monster. The abuse. The scars. She just wanted The Doctor back. She couldn't bare it without him. Her life was so empty without him. _I'm going to end it here. He was right. I am useless._ Clara listened to the rain pelting at the windows. The dogs barking. The birds. "Please come back." she said.

The Doctor was crying in pain. It burned. The burning never stopped. He looked down to see a crack that had appeared out of nowhere. "I am the luckiest man in the Universe!" he said, laughing uncontrollably, even through the pain. He fell through the crack, but for a few seconds, nothing happened. Suddenly, he went face first into Clara's back garden."Ow.", he said, checking himself for any injuries. He hobbled towards Clara's back door and knocked. Thirty seconds later and he saw Clara running to him.

"You're alive!" she said, with the tears now streaming down her cheeks. "I thought you were dead!" she sobbed.

"I was. I died Clara. And I saw what you did. The cutting. The crying. The alcohol. The worst part was that I couldn't do anything about it. Don't you ever do that again." "Come here." He vigorously kissed her, the lust and want for her was overpowering.

"My my Doctor, you've really become hungry." she said.

"Hush, my love." He bit down on her nipple, prompting a gasp from her. He reached down below, and slid his fingers in, moving back and forth. Clara moaned, while he breathed a sigh of relief. But that was not going to last however, as he felt it again. The regeneration. "Oh, not again!" he growled. He pulled his fingers out of her vagina and walked towards the centre of the room. His breathing intensified, the golden light growing ever closer to his fingertips.

"I don't want to go." Yet again, he started regenerating. "I WILL NOT CHANGE AGAIN!" he shouted, as the light stopped. "Why did I do that?" he said, as he stumbled onto her bed, and passed out.

**A/N: I feel like the regenerations got a little OTT, so I'll tone them down. I just try to create tension, although it could be better executed. BTW, thanks for the reviews on Chapter 1!  
><strong>


	3. I've hit a brick wall

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, or any Doctor Who related businesses/shows.

**A/N: Ah, I've reached a brick wall. Do I continue this story or completely re-write it? Please send me a PM or review with your answer or suggestion. Oh, and don't expect me to be the best or describe things in my writing like a professional, because I'm not one. As usual, I had a good first chapter, but then it went away.**


End file.
